3 Tools I Use Daily to Ditch the Drama and Build the Career of my Dreams
Worry prone, and a magnet for drama, working in Employee Relations (aka- handling all the drama in an HR department) felt like a natural fit. I had spent the better part of my career training and developing people and watching the human drama make otherwise incredible employees’ careers turn sideways. Now, I could be a part of the solution. I loved it!
At first, I sat with those mid-drama, whether a supervisor or employee, and heard their story, helped them craft their plan of action and supported them as they took their next steps. It felt empowering and meaningful . . . until it didn’t. Soon, I began carrying the drama with me everywhere I went. I would get spun out about the latest bad choice from the ubiquitously bad manager that refused to listen to my counsel. My heart would hurt for the employee on the verge of termination who refused to make the changes needed to save their position. I would come home overflowing with all the emotions from the day, barely able to stay afloat and feeling intensely burned out and overwhelmed.
Have you ever felt that way?
Initially I thought it was because of my position, but as I reviewed the course of my career, I realized that this drama-prone pattern was happening in every role I played in every organization. People love to talk to me and open up to me and whether I was in sales or a trainer or a coach, I was a magnet for drama. I would burn out every 3 years or so and make a career shift. This wasn’t going to work!
If I wanted to make the impact and rise to the leadership level I desired, this drama loop had to change!
Here’s a breakdown of the three tools that I still use every day to shift out of drama and into thriving:
#1 Set the temperature for my day
Everyday I wake up and decide what my default emotion will be for that day. Some days I tune into gratitude. Other days I focus on serenity and some days I love to feel amped up and surging with enthusiasm. My goal is to have a baseline emotion that I can turn to, no matter what happens during my day. After an intense conversation with an upset client, I take a deep breath and go back to the emotion that I’ve selected.
Going back to the selected emotion is sometimes as easy as saying, “I’m grateful to be in a position to help . . “ or making a list of what I’m grateful for. Other times, I need to remember a time when I felt the emotion and relive a moment of serenity. Another way can be to use music to evoke my desired emotional state. Music triggers emotions and can break whatever negative emotional state we find ourselves in.
This can take a bit of experimenting on what works for you, but like a thermostat in a house, we can choose our desired emotional state and adjust based on the circumstances happening around us.
#2 Choose my focus
Focusing on drama is the easiest thing to do, but it’s counterproductive. There is a time to focus on an issue and solve it, but once the plan is set or the conversation is had, it’s time to choose another focus. What we focus on expands. So, what would you like your focus to be?
For me? I typically choose to focus on ways that I am making a difference or an impact. Whether it’s in my coaching practice, my volunteer work, or with my family, by noticing the positive impact I make, that impact grows and I feel stronger and more confident showing up in the work that I love. Bonus, I’ve found that focusing on something positive is a sort of drama-repellant. It tends to negate the drama I become involved in on a regular basis.
#3 Create boundaries in conversations
We’ve all had the experience of spending hours with someone who is venting and asking for help, but then fails to ever do anything to help themselves. In fact, I’m sure we’ve all done that to someone else at some point in our lives too. Venting can be productive, but when someone in your life is stuck in a negative loop, finding a way out of that cycle can be a powerful gift for you and for the other person. Here are a few simple ways to create boundaries in your conversations.
First, remember that the person is looking for validation and an emotional hit. They want to feel your emotional response to what they are saying. When they don’t get it, they will go find someone else. You don’t need to be rude. It can be as simple as getting quiet instead of loudly building on their story. You can also distract yourself or them to break the dramatic state they are in. You can ask a question out of the blue, “is it lunchtime yet?” or you can turn to do something else, “hold on, I forgot that I need to send this text.” And another way to handle the drama is to set a particular time and date to discuss it. We all want to support our friends, but you can be supportive at an appropriate time and place for you. This can be as simple as stating, “I want to hear you and support you, but this isn’t the right time for me to discuss this, can I call you later tonight? You are showing you care, but rather than let another person hijack the rest of your day, you are redirecting to a time and place that is more suitable.
When you are able to emotionally move through your day in a high-vibe and supportive way, you will have the energy to build towards your vision, lead your team and follow through on all the amazing dreams in your life.
Let me know which once you want to try and how they are working for you!
